if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I need a beard to bite.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
