also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
