so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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