just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
