OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
