I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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