The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
now i know why i became what i already was.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
