Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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