did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
