She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm at about main and main street
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
