Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
