Someone shit on the floor
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
