I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
that is very illegal...i love you.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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