Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
