I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
