my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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