you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
