I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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