I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
