You work out of a Hotel?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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