My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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