So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
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Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
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We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
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