She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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