hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
