I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
