Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
