I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
don't judge my taste in strippers
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
