so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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