It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
