I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
