Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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