Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
