My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think my vagina is haunted
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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