Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
