EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
