i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
