it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
