no. you can't hotbox the world.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
and you fell through a lawn chair
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
