he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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