A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
babies were throwing up all over the place
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
