I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
