32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
