You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
