I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
