There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
