are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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