Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
