We won't sleep together?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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