apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
