that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
