was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
