you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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