Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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