I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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