Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
