This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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