Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
