If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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