Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
