my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
