Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
