I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
