They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
your like the ambassador to my penis.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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