I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
