So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
