Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
