he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Last time i carry you out of a forest
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
