so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
